Week 16 gave us the gift of Christmas falling on a weekend, so we were treated to a Friday-Saturday-Sunday blitz of NFL couch time. There was no Thursday night game though, and that’s mostly because everyone was far too busy observing the Festivus holiday. But wow, where do we even begin?

We can start with Alvin Kamara’s historic six TDs, continue with a Niners win that kicked the door wide open for the Bears, truck on with a hilarious Raiders meltdown for the ages, and finish off with the Jets screwing the Browns, the Colts screwing themselves, and the Falcons staunchly refusing to stray from their powerful choke job brand.

Ryan Fitzpatrick and Dolphins kicker Jason Sanders were the heroes that kept the team’s playoff hopes alive in a truly wild win. But an important question remains: Does Jason Sanders choose to shave strictly above his forearms or does he use rubber cement to affix Chewbacca-like hair to his forearms? Leaning towards the latter but will need confirmation.

In reaction to this Sean Payton celebration dance,

Twitter

, “You can’t tell me he wasn’t in the mirror, in the crib working on that. Because he hit that.” Sean Payton probably gets to his secret film study hub at 4am every day including holidays, so none of this should surprise anyone.

Packers offensive coordinator Nathaniel Hackett hilariously showing up to the game in an Austin Powers in Goldmember hoodie should’ve given every gambler the confidence to lay down money on the Packers in every which way possible. This is the telltale sign of a happy team. So, anyone care for a flapjack and a cigarette?

While you mull that question over, it’s time to get down to business. So whether it was fire, fierce, funny or fail, please go ahead and do a timeless Nestea plunge into some well-deserved mockery.

T. Y. Hilton

Fully aware this is a Versace puffer that many believe is either “dope AF” or “straight flaaaames, bruh” but I don’t care. T.Y. Hilton looks like he took a ridiculously cozy comforter off some nice Italian grandmother’s bed and had someone add a hood and a zipper in order to adjust to the Pittsburgh weather. Rude and inconsiderate!

Patrick Mahomes

Patrick Mahomes thankfully returned to the Macho Man shades and despite not having a great game, of course he threw a 25-yard touchdown pass with less than two minutes left that proved to be the game-winner. Un-fucking-believable.

Russell Wilson

Russell Wilson channeling that Mamba Mentality with the Kobe No. 8 throwback was all you needed to see to know the Seahawks would be clinching the NFC West on Sunday. And what a changeup by Russ, who always finds a way and might be the only player capable of ripping the crown right off the head of Patrick Mahomes come February.

Derrick Henry

Derrick Henry’s suped-up “Bane Alternate” jacket might be the greatest thing he’s ever worn, and that’s saying a lot considering the source. His Kramer pants, however, need to be cut up into dinner napkins or sent directly through a wood chipper. Even Bane knew how to complete the look.

Andy Dalton

Andy Dalton going full heel and wearing a sleeveless black jean jacket like a high school senior about to stuff the entire debate team into a locker should have the Giants and Daniel Jones — who probably was on the debate team — completely shook heading into Week 17.

Chase Young

Chase Young’s rapid rise on the field has been as impressive as his badass struttin’ stadium arrivals off the field. He doesn’t just own the moment, he is the moment.

Aaron Rodgers

Wet Bandits hat? Check. Black bandana neck gaiter? Check. That bland jacket he’s been wearing every week for 15 weeks? Nowhere to be found! What a moment. It’s like when your dad finally wears a different pair of sneakers after wearing the same ones since 1997.

Max Scharping?!?

There’s literally nothing I can tell you about Texans offensive lineman Max Scharping other than the fact he paired Santa-themed pajamas with a cowboy hat and boots. And frankly, that’s enough for me. Total hero.

DeAndre Hopkins

Crocs. I repeat, Crocs. DeAndre Hopkins has failed us all.

Sam Darnold

Sam Darnold arrived at the podium looking like a more fashionable version of Andy Dufresne walking the yard at Shawshank. Sadly, this is major progress.

Zeke Elliott

Zeke Elliott apparently thinks he plays for the Chargers. It’s just been that kind of year in Dallas.

Justin Herbert

Never thought I would say Justin Herbert does an amazing impression of Martin Freeman, but Justin Herbert does an amazing impression of Martin Freeman. In the spirit of that, let’s all celebrate with a “Free Love Freeway” interlude.

Derek Carr

Derek Carr looking like someone who just inhaled four plates at Christmas dinner and has since moved to the couch to “unwind” tells you everything you need to know about how things went for the Raiders in Week 16.

Tom Brady

Credit to Tom Brady for returning to some old signature staples, like this giant winter hat. He’s been missing the mark a lot this year and maybe that’s due to the Zoom aspect of these pressers, but offering a glimpse of his old Patriot ways is a great sign as the Bucs head into the playoffs. While still not quite the lofty standards set by these watershed moments, it’s certainly in the same stratosphere and appears to be closing in for the conehead kill.

DeForest Buckner

DeForest Buckner never misses and his jacket proves just that. Magnificent.

Kirk Cousins

Kirk Cousins in Vikings Assistant Coach attire and delivering a stoic stare is so on-brand it hurts. To be fair, his numbers really aren’t that bad, it’s just that he constantly looks like he’s questioning everything he’s doing while constantly appearing to not understand the questions he’s being asked.

George Kittle!

George Kittle made his triumphant return in a Joker t-shirt and a pair of shades I’m gonna need sooner than later. He also said he was happy to help out the Bears and, thanks to a hot mic, ended the press conference with “Da Bears! I fucking love the Bears.” Good to have you back, George.

Ben Roethlisberger

Big Ben’s gray knitted cap matched his hoodie and he even kinda smiled too. For Ben, this is like climbing Mount Everest. Oh, and that’s a really cool fluorescent lightning bolt, bro.

J.J. Watt

J.J. Watt broke out into a Burberry blitz with that shirt and jacket, but I’m afraid it’s not enough to fend off the colossal failure that is the white undershirt. It’s the Cousin Eddie of unwelcome appearances.

Jerry Jeudy

Last week, rookie Jerry Jeudy wore an amazing Super Bowl XXXII hat and this week he delivered again, this time with a Super Bowl XXXIII shirt. Showing this kind of love to past greatness will win the fans over every single time.

Baker Mayfield

Baker’s hood appearing to be yanked by an invisible hand is symbolism as its finest. Poor guy was treated like a rag doll by the J-E-T-S. Better luck next week against… the Steelers? Good god. The Browns are screwed. Again.

Drew Brees

Drew Brees conducted his postgame presser in front of the Saints’ infamous “fish tank camera” while wearing one of Old Navy’s finest “buy 1 get 11 free” button-downs. What a lethal combo.

Le’Veon Bell

Le’Veon Bell’s giant “LB 26” chain is basically taunting Lamar Jackson into returning to the chain game.

Lamar Jackson

For now, that ain’t happenin’ though. Lamar has instead morphed into Bill Belichick and, as the tweet says, is on to Cincinnati. Note: At a quick glance, I was convinced Lamar showed up to the podium with two WWE belts thrown over his shoulders. ‘Twas not to be. Pissed!

Derek Wolfe

Ravens defensive end Derek Wolfe just put everyone in a pine box with this fur coat.

Drew Lock

Gonna go ahead and say I agree with myself 1000% here. And the painting was a gift, Todd. I’m taking it with me.

Anthony Harris

God damn, Ant Harris, save some heat for the rest of us! Flawless execution.

Budda Baker

Budda Baker was one of the surprisingly few players who were entrenched in the Christmas spirit. Nothing like a reindeer in a sweater vest and a tie gettin’ lit.

Adam Thielen

Adam Thielen was also Team Christmas while also winning the “oh what are thoooose” award for Week 16. #FeetHeat

Adrian Amos

Adrian Amos proved one can be 1000% aboard the Christmas train and still be stylish as hell. The abstract Santa sweater is sick.

Laremy Tunsil

King Tunsil, as he calls himself, went with the caption “Météore,” which is French for meteor. Incredibly succinct and exceedingly accurate as Tunsil continues to be a shooting star. The peace sign tat peeking out from his 9,000-zipper vest to meet his chain was a well-orchestrated work of art.

Mecole Hardman

Mecole Hardman finally ditched that antagonizing Super Bowl “LIV” chain in favor of a “17” chain, which means he’s finally gotten clearance through the criticism portal.

Johnny Hekker?

A punter? Well yes, that’s apparently what John Hekker does for the Rams. And while his audition for the J.Crew winter catalog feels a bit late, his deeply inspired effort did not go unnoticed.

Jacoby Brissett

Jacoby Brissett’s shirt will fly under the radar just like he does but that doesn’t change the fact it’s amazing and must be identified and located for immediate purchase.

Nick Vannett

Broncos tight end Nick Vannett — another one who flies under the radar to the point I even forget about him — kills it on the regular. He’s basically Travis Kelce without the bells and whistles, both literally and figuratively.

Mike Daniels

Bengals defensive tackle Mike Williams seems to enjoy just throwing a bunch of shit together and I love it.

Anthony Walker Jr.

The “Mask x Extensive Beard” look is underrated and, at the moment, Anthony Walker Jr. owns exclusive rights to it.

Larry Fitzgerald

Larry Fitzgerald is here because he’s Larry Fitzgerald and you should never miss an opportunity to showcase the living legend.

Brett Hundley?

Christmas fit of the year? Christmas fit of the year.

Ndamukong Suh

Ndamukong Suh almost always looks like a guy who’s ready to palm earth and throw it at the moon, so this photo is the foolproof evidence that winning cures everything.

Trayveon Williams

Bengals running back Trayveon Williams would’ve had it all here if it weren’t for the nine gallons of water he’s carrying. Yes. he’s “that guy” at the gym and apparently while traveling too. He also has a “TM” symbol after his name in his IG profile. What a dickhead.

Quincy Williams!

Quincy Williams is on fire. Last week it was the unmistakeable nipple ornaments, this week he’s pretending to get a piggyback from Santa. What a gem.

Willie Snead

Not sure of the details behind the Darth Vader shit is going on with this jacket, but I like it.

Dre Kirkpatrick

An NFL player wearing a hoodie that doesn’t cost $1,200? This is a MOMENT, people.

Cam Jordan’s Sweater

This sweater speaks greatly to Cam Jordan’s personality. Which is to say, awesome.

Cam Jordan’s Cleats

Again, Cam Jordan and awesome go hand in hand. He. Does. Not. Miss.

Matthew Judon

If I ever wear a jean jacket again, it’ll be exactly what Matthew Judon has on here. The perfect fit with the perfect fade.

Bobby McCain

For those unclear, Dolphins safety Bobby McCain is wearing a CHRISTIAN DIOR hoodie and CHRISTIAN DIOR is very expensive. Subtle.

Tanner Hudson?

Asking “who the hell is Tanner Hudson” would hardly be an unreasonable question. However, I’m not sure it even matters because this photograph does all the necessary driving.

Logan Stenberg?

Loyal to Detroit or badly wanted to wear something Detroit-related that actually represents winning? Leaning hard towards the latter.

Alvin Kamara

Alvin Kamara with SIX touchdowns and the no-frills approach after the game. Liking where the Saints are at right now.

Bisi Johnson

Hell yes, Bisi Johnson. Hell-fucking-yes. #Dogs #Bacon

Mack Hollins

Mack Hollins was one of the heroes of the Dolphins’ miraculous win and while this photo is from last Sunday’s stadium entrance, he didn’t post it until much later in the week. Plus, he deserves some shine again. Our shiny new national treasure.

Adam Thielen’s Cleats

The Christmas cleats this weekend were amazing …

Mohamed Sanu’s Cleats

… and done by so many …

Josh Jacobs’ Cleat Heat

… including these Claus Cleats by Josh Jacobs which must become available as sneakers ASAP.

Mike Glennon!

Went looking for a photo of Jags quarterback Mike Glennon, who played an exhilarating “revenge game” against the Bears, losing 41-17. These are the best I could find and I gotta say, I’m beyond satisfied with the search results.