Finally, some good news! Ha. I can hear your internal monologue already. “But Eric, how on Earth can anyone — let alone an animal — testing positive for COVID-19 be a good thing?” Well, my naive sheeple, that’s because we aren’t on Earth at all. This story of a tiger — yes, a fucking tiger, now — at the Bronx Zoo testing positive for the virus is proof that we are living in a simulation.
And therein lies the good news: the machines are slipping up.Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen The Matrix glitch plenty of times before. But this latest anomaly — perhaps the most talked-about animal on Earth (a tiger, thanks to Tiger King) right now crossing paths with literally the most talked about thing on Earth right now (a virus, thanks to a bat) — is perhaps the strongest sign yet that we’re living inside of a machine. I half expect the next human visitor I see in my life to be Morpheus himself.
— Natasha Daly (@natashaldaly) April 5, 2020
— Natasha Daly (@natashaldaly) April 5, 2020
All jokes aside, now, this is absolutely not good news, but perhaps not in the way you think. As far as the latest reports tell us, dogs still cannot contract this specific version of the virus, so that’s a good thing. And unless you’re one of these newly famous big cat loonies, I doubt you’ll be coming into contact with an infected-tiger anytime soon. You see, the issue isn’t so much the tiger catching the virus, but more so how we even figured it on in the first place: how is a tiger getting tested when there are living, breathing human beings that have to go through hell and high water to get the very same treatment? Seems like a waste of resources if you ask me.
Eric is a New York City-based writer who still isn’t quite sure how he’s allowed to have this much fun for a living and will tell anyone who listens that Gotham City is canonically in New Jersey. Follow him on Twitter @eric_ital for movie and soccer takes or contact him eric@brobible.com
