Every time I read a story like this I thank my lucky stars and stripes that my parents never caught me doing anything so embarrassing that I’d still be losing sleep 100 years later. It’s not that I wasn’t doing incredibly embarrassing shit behind closed doors, every kid does, I was just insanely lucky that they never caught me doing it.
A bunch of people shared their most haunting stories in a thread titled ‘What did your parents find in your room that you wish they hadn’t? (NSFW)’ and it makes me want to find these people and hug them for having to go through life with this embarrassing AF memories. I won’t editorialize this too much, let’s just get to the most embarrassing things people were caught doing by their parents…
garishbourne:
Me beating my dick like it owed me money.
What in the actual fuck?
eek-barba-durkle:
They found a video of me shoving roses up my ass and farting rose petals into my dogs face.
defhex:
One of my vibrators. And make things even worse. My dog found one of them that had like a plastic-shaped penis covering over it. My dog took it into the living room and proceeded to tear it apart.
So on top my mom finding out I had sex toys, I spent 30 minutes cleaning and looking for pieces of plastic in the living room.
Any walk of shame had nothing on this.
MoistNugget:
A pocket pussy. My mom ended up throwing it at me in a fit of rage/disgust. She asked “what would your friends think if they saw that.” my response “they’d probably laugh.”.
cookiemonster1997:
My housekeeper found what I liked to call my sex box, basically a box containing condoms, lube, and of course a big blue dildo, and confronted me about it. I told her it was for a school project on safe sex.
I had a similar experience myself…
stackz07:
Half a Pound of weed. Watched my dad take a hammer to the bag, dump it all over the lawn then ride the lawn mower over it.
ddracom60:
A girlfriend let me record our sexual adventures (camping, bjs, car sex, outdoor, special stripping videos she would film for me)
Later that summer, I was away at football camp… and when I returned home, I couldn’t find my camera. My parents found it, and later had a “talk” with me about my “devious” behavior.
QueenLadyGaga:
In middle school I found a European website about telekinesis and how it’s real and how to do it. One of the exercises was to put a match in a cup of water so it floats. I stole matches and hid them under my bed. Mom found them and freaked the fuck out, had to explain I was trying to move it with my mind, not set the house on fire
CoolCatsChat:
An old sponge with a 5 inch deep hole in the center.
I used to soak it up with water and wrap it in a towel, teenage me was horny and ruthless.
fuckingwitnessme:
When I was 13 we lived with my mom’s best friend for 6 months, until my mom got things figured out after the divorce. While visiting my dad a couple states away I was hanging out with some older kids, who decided we should walk over to the health department to get free condoms. Wanting to be accepted by the group, I got a bag as well hoping it implied that I was getting mad pussy in the city I currently lived in. One of the other guys asked me to hold on to his bag, and they both ended up in my backpack for the trip back to my mom’s friends house. When I was unpacking I found them and not knowing what to do I poured them out under my mattress (the bags were lumpy). Cut to a couple months later we are moving out and my mom and her friend lift the mattress to find 40 condoms splayed out underneath. I was 13 and the only girl I interacted with was my mom’s friends 10 year old daughter. It was such a frantic, awkward explanation.
Sock_Ninja:
Pregnancy tests. My ex-girlfriend was too embarrassed to buy them, so I did and never got around to getting rid of the extras afterward. My parents found the box a couple of years after our relationship was over; I blew it off as a joke from some friends.
(Tests were negative, for the curious. Whew.)
