Well, my anonymous internet friends, the day has come.
When I began these hypotheticals a few months back — before our newfound way of life began — I was merely doing so because, frankly, I’m a massive movie nerd and I like to share my thoughts and opinions with you, the readers. What’s the purpose of having an opinion if you can’t discuss it with anyone, you know?
But whether it be because of our current indoor conditions and therefore the increase in movies we’re watching, or because I’ve tapped into some part of the male brain that purely enjoys pondering an imaginary battle between two iconic movie characters, these action hero hypotheticals have turned into some of our most-engaged-with content on social media. In fact, I got more emails about my previous John Wick article (where we voted on which movie character would be the best matchup) than any previous post I’ve published on this wonderful website.
Another thing I immediately noticed, other than the fact that our audience seemed to be enjoying the hypotheticals, was that no matter who the matchup was — it could be Batman vs. Superman or Leonidas vs. William Wallace or Jason Bourne vs. Ethan Hunt — and people would still answer John Wick.
Trust me, of course I’ve wanted to include Baba Yaga in one of these — I just couldn’t think of the right matchup. Such is the unique badassery of the John Wick character. So, instead of trying to figure out the best opponent on my own, I gave the choice to you all, the readers.
I presented who I thought to be the best options: Daredevil, Brixton from Hobbs & Shaw, literally any Jason Statham character you want, Neo, and James Bond. And after over 1000 votes, the winner was — in a narrow victory over Jason Statham — James Bond. For what it’s worth, the most popular write-in characters were Punisher and Jason Bourne.
There are two key caveats here. The first is that we’re using Daniel Craig’s version of the character — not up for debate. The second, and more important distinction, is that both characters are wearing bulletproof protection. Considering that Wick’s bulletproof suit covers more surface area than a traditional kevlar vest, we’re suitin’ and bootin’ both Baba Yaga and 007 in said protective three-pieces, which is certainly something that Bond is used to fighting in.
So, now that the rules are clear and the fits have been tailored, let’s get to it: John Wick vs. James Bond.
While Wick may have a slight reach advantage, Bond seems to have both a few years and a bit more muscle on him. When it comes to a battle to the death between two titans like this, I find the uptick in strength and youth to be a bigger advantage than whatever leg-up in reach Wick might have. Therefore, point goes to 007.
One of the few, but distinct, advantages that Bond has over Wick is his government backing. Think about it like this: Wick keeps his weapons under cement in his garage — Bond has an entire weapons department whose sole goal is to invent various guns and gadgets for him.
Wick had to beg for a ride to Europe. Bond trots the globe effortlessly. Wick is always wheeling and dealing, Bond is backed by a government agency filled with different agencies that exist solely to help Bond accomplish his goal. Bond is a part of a larger team. Is anyone going to show up to save John Wick? Do you really think that it can be argued that John Wick has access to more resources than James Bond, who could likely call in a drone strike if he really wanted to?
This isn’t to say that Wick doesn’t have a proper arsenal at his disposal, as he has access to all sorts of guns, grenades, and knives thanks to his fellow underworld friends at The Continental. They both have equal micro resources, so therefore, we must zoom out and observe the situation from a macro level: if it was a game of escalation, who would be able to take it the furthest? My guess is Bond.
Here’s where the bout gets complicated. While we’ve already established that each character is equipped with a bulletproof vest, we’ve failed to determine which kind of — if any — gun they’re equipped with.
Not only is Wick a volume shooter, but he’s an accurate one. Despite the massive output of bullets he fires, he rarely misses. He’s the Steph Curry of gunplay, whether it be using massive automatic shotguns or an ankle-sized pistol.
Then again, Bond is so nice with a handgun that’s he’s essentially synonymous with the Walther PPK. We’ve also seen him wield weapons on the larger end of the spectrum as well, like at the end of Casino Royale:
Sometimes, though, you simply have to acknowledge greatness. Sure, there were a couple of years when Steph Curry won league MVP, but everyone knew — and still knows — that LeBron James is the league’s best player. And that’s the case when it comes to John Wick and firearms ability: for as competent as Bond might be, Wick is better.
As Bane once told Batman, you merely adopted there dark, I was born in it, molded by — and that applies to the ninja-abilities of these two. For as in-the-shadows as Wick may be, we cannot forget that James Bond is the spy. He is synonymous with the act of spying and therefore needs to be given the respect he deserves. The NBA Finals MVP Award is named after Bill Russell for a reason.
But just because something came first doesn’t automatically make it the best. The Godfather Part II and The Dark Knight are better than their predecessors. Everything that Bond is capable of, Wick is equally capable of, if not more so. While 007 may have a license to kill, he’s not a mercenary — there’s still a set of rules he must follow. It’s why MI6 put a tracker in his arm. He’s always being watched.
Still, though, as he’s proven throughout the course of his films, particularly in Spectre, Bond is easily able to evade his watchful bosses if he really wants to.
Of all the categories, this one is probably the most even, so we’ll give both of them the point.
While Craig’s Bond movies may be less hand-to-hand combat-heavy, there are certainly plenty of examples that highlight’s 007’s ability to take down trained opponents, whether it be one “boss-level” type enemy or multiple nameless henchmen — the two stalwarts of action movie villainy.
But are those skills enough to go toe-to-toe with John Wick, whose entire aura and legend is built on being able mow through multiple waves of enemies (albeit with the help of his trusty bullets).
While Bond’s physical skills may be vastly underrated, even still, he’s unfortunately not in the same class as Baba Yaga. After all, he killed a guy with a fucking pencil. He killed Boban with a book. It would be a true battle to the death, but you plainly have to given the advantage to Wick, as we’ve seen the character take down multiple opponents of all shapes, sizes and fighting styles.
A lot of you are likely — and blindly — rolling your eyes at the fact that Wick simply didn’t sweep through the categories and dominate Bond. But that’s not the point of these exercises — the key is to remove your emotion and look at the battle from a legitimately critical point of view. I know how much you love John Wick, I totally get it… but this is James fuckin’ Bond we’re talking about here, folks! He can’t just be merely brushed aside.
But for all of Bond’s history and prestige and intelligence and resources, if it came down to a 1 v. 1 against John Wick, unless he was able to kill Wick from a distance — which, as far as we’ve seen, is more or less impossible — he would lose. Bond may have the advantage in terms of physical strength and resources, but as we’ve seen in three movies now, none of that matters when trying to kill John Wick. The man has dispatched small armies by himself. It seems the only way to kill him is by shooting him in the head.
Let me tell you, it would be hell of a fight. As we pointed out in measurables, Bond is stronger despite not being all that much shorter. While Wick adapts a sort of Terminator-like blankness when he’s in battle, Bond’s brand of brawling is more anger-filled and emotional — Wick would not simply steam-roll him. This fight would go the distance and there would be moments where Bond would look like he has the upper hand. But that’s the thing about John Wick and what makes the character so interesting: he’s regularly getting his ass kicked. If you watch any of the three movies, Keanu Reeves is really luggin’ Wick’s mid-50s ass around. You can tell he’s beat the hell up and exhausted to the bone. And yet, he always finds a way to win. His legend as the Boogeyman is earned but he’s virtually unkillable despite being as mortal as you and I.
Eric is a New York City-based writer who still isn’t quite sure how he’s allowed to have this much fun for a living and will tell anyone who listens that Gotham City is canonically in New Jersey. Follow him on Twitter @eric_ital for movie and soccer takes or contact him eric@brobible.com
