I’ve given up on online dating, and I’m now stalking attractive women in public.
Maybe stalking isn’t the right word.
What’s a good word or phrase for “trying hard to randomly bump into a woman while with my kids just to strike up a conversation”?
Fine, stalking.
I only do this when my kids are around. I’d never do this alone.
That’s creepy.Fine, more creepy.
This plan hasn’t worked yet, and I’m not even sure what will happen if it does work because my kids will be right there.
I’ve never asked for a woman’s number with my children hanging on my ass.
I’m not sure I’ve ever asked for a woman’s number, ever.
Wait, once. She worked the cologne counter at Lord & Taylor, but I didn’t pull the trigger when I was buying the cologne. I went back ten minutes later to ask for her number. I guess stuffing my face with Auntie Anne’s pretzels also filled me with confidence.
“Here, put your number in my phone,” and I go to hand it to her, and the phone flies through my buttery fingers.
That was a peek inside the life of a single dad. You’re welcome.
Welp, here’s some funny shit.
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) August 21, 2020
— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) August 20, 2020
— Bart (@bartandsoul) August 20, 2020
— ADHDeanBLM (@ADHDeanASL) August 20, 2020
6-year-old: Lots of stuff.
Me: Like what?
6: I'm not teaching you for free.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 20, 2020
Dads: 100%
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) August 18, 2020
Me, away from the kids: “This place is so quiet it’s freaking me out.”
— Dad Bits (@DadBits) August 17, 2020
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) August 20, 2020
— Andrew Knott (@aknott21) August 21, 2020
— Shannon Carpenter (@HossmanAtHome) August 21, 2020
— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) August 21, 2020
***
Cody Rhodes Talks Tattoos, Nicknames + The Most Cringe-Worthy Wrestling Promo Ever
