I am guilty of “ghosting,” which is the act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date (definition provided by Urban Dictionary).
I have been “ghosted” and I empathize with all of the ghostees and ghosters. I also feel the obligation to take a hard stance in saying that it’s not a kind move, it’s not rewarding and it’s usually the wrong choice.
Maybe if we internalize that enough we will actually practice responding to everyone, because in the end, Bro’s, who likes to be ghosted? I’ve had my fair share of bad behavior on both sides, I am usually the ghoster, guilty as charged. While analyzing my behavior over the years with a plethora of men, I want to vent to you a list of reasonings.Here are some explanations as to why I ghost (these apply to most gals):
This is where a lot of the confusion lies, we as humans want to know the WHY not necessarily the WHAT IS. Instead of letting someone go freely, our desire for closure and ultimately control overtakes our egos. When we ghost, you leave the subject or person open ended and then you can selfishly come back if need be, being honest is more permanent. In a way it’s a compliment, your ghost is potentially thinking to use you later…depending on the situation.
Ghosting feels so cruel because there are zero answers. It’s so incredibly offensive to the victim because the ghoster assumes the ghosted can’t handle the blatant truth. Eight times out of ten, it’s option A) on my end.
The question is: Do we really want to be known as the millennials who invented ghosting for an entire generation of people?
It’s so popular, in fact, that my 64-year-old mother is now a proponent of the term and the lifestyle.What it feels like when I am ghosted? THE WORST. I cannot stand rejection and feeling like “I’m not good enough,” exactly what the act of ghosting embodies. It’s paralyzing for me to not be responded to, to be denied, and not acknowledged. No matter how minuscule the interaction between me and the ghost is, it burns deep, leaving red marks behind. Chalk it up to my ego, I am working on that every day, trying to make sure I keep it in check, with all the Bro Bible compliments what do you expect? (Joking). That being said I would like to make a conscious and real effort for the rest of this year not carry on this behavior because…
“If you love someone set them free. If they come back, it means no one else wanted them either. Set them free again.”
XOXO, LOVE TASHA
[Images courtesy of @Butlikemaybe on Instagram. Follow for more millennial cartoons]
